prayers

I laid Jack down last night afor the first time, showed him how to put his tiny palms together for his prayers.  We say a little prayer nightly but this was his first time to "participate" if you will.  I look at this little being and how full my heart feels just watching him.  Time has flown by and I wish I could freeze so many moments.  I feel like the first year went by the quickest and I put myself on autopilot just to survive.  I blocked out moments.  I got through moments.  And I always want those moments back.  I look at old pictures or pictures of him with his long, shaggy hair and sweet, pink cheeks and I wish I could back, if just for a moment. 

I have an unhealthy habit of not always living in the present as most of us do and of being scared of being too happy.  I guess with my history I assume the bottom will eventually fall out of things when life is too perfect.  I'm having those moments now.  I pray.  I try to pray daily.  I try to remind myself to pray even more and that I need to go to church because then bad things will not happen. I know...it's silly.I can't pray away the inevitable and my life is wonderful.  Yes, bad things have happened and these won't be the only trials and tribulations I see in my lifetime.  But I am healthy, I have a great job, a home, a car that runs, a beautiful and healthy child, a wonderfully supportive family and friends, and an amazing man who loves me just the way I am. I have friends that are going through much more.  My heart is heavy for them and their own trials. 

So...today I will not worry.  I will only do this.

And this.....