A letter to my younger self

I always liked the Brad Paisley song, "If I could write this letter to me."  He talks about everything he would tell himself if he could go back - talks about girls, being nice to his parents, etc.  I find myself thinking about all of the things I wish I knew back then. I try to live a life of no regrets but to be perfectly honest, I have regrets. I have many.  I know that if I knew then what I know now, I would have saved myself and others lots of heartache.  But that's the thing about life...you can't change the past, only the future.  What's done is done and we must make our peace with it.  I'm still in the process and maybe this letter will give me just a little more of that peace.

If I could write a letter to me, I would tell myself to be nicer to my parents.  As a parent now myself, I can only imagine what it must have been like to be my mom or dad and hear me say the awful things that I did to them.  If Jack said those things to me (and I'm sure that day is coming...as they say, payback is a bitch), I would lock myself in my room and cry.  My mom laughs now and says that you tell yourself "I know I love this child but where is she?" But seriously, I would have hugged them everyday, even as a teenager.  I would have appreciated them more and everything they gave up so that I could have a car, go to college, etc. But instead I was an unappreciate, spoiled brat and will spend the rest of my life making up for it.

If I could write a letter to me, I would have taken care of me first.  When I think back, I know that I spent way too much of my time and efforts investing in relationships with people who did not cherish me.  I sometimes felt like the confidence I felt relied simply on being with someone and not from within.  I have always struggled with this...being confident and not wishing I was like someone else.  This is the one thing I want Jack to be - confident.  I want him to be his own person and do it with pride.  I want him to not worry about what everyone else is saying, doing, thinking....and march to the beat of his own drum.  I have never been this way and still won't even dance in public without a few cocktails because I'm afraid of how stupid I look.  Why do I even care?  I know that I've missed out on a few moments in life because of this.  It's something I'm working on and probably always will.

If I could write a letter to me, I would have chosen more wisely.  This is a big one for me.  I read somewhere that marrying the right partner determines something like 98% of your happiness....more like 110%.  In college, I would have thought about the kind of person I wanted to marry.  What did they value?  What were their parents like?  What kinds of goals did they have?  I would have been selective.  I wouldn't have made all my decisions based on pure emotion but more logic. 

I'm one of the lucky ones though....I got a second chance.  Sure, it came with a price but that's ok.  I am changed because of things and will probably never be the trusting one I once was.  And I'm okay with that.  This time around, I checked off all the boxes of logic and emotion and I got the most amazing prize in the end.  In less than two months, he will be my husband and I will be his wife and we will grow old together.  Our love is pure and simple.  There is no saying things you can't take back or doing things to be sorry for.   We talk, we laugh, we listen, we spend time together, we love our kids, and it is everything I've ever wanted.

If I could write a letter to me, I would have paid more attention at Sunday School.  I seriously wonder how someone who spent every Sunday at church knows as little as I do about the Bible.  I don't know if I have ADD or what but it seems like very little of what I heard every week sunk in.  This definitely needs to be a priority on my list now.

I know there are more things I would have told myself but I think some of those things are just part of growing pains.  These are my most important and will be in this virtual diary for my kids to one day read.  I hope they find some insight in all of this and think a little more about their choices.  I wish I had.  But the past is the past and I'm okay with that.   At least I realize these things now.

To the past, present, and the future,
Cortney

Life unplugged

I haven't done a post in awhile due to my work laptop attaining a virus and my personal laptop finally crashing after almost 10 years of good use.  We moved Jared's computer over, which is very handy, but then I decided to go at least a month and just enjoy my summer so I actually had something to post about.  Wedding planning is coming along great - sweet and simple is the idea.  It is kind of amazing how sweet and simple still requires lots of detail, thought, and money.  But oh well, you only get married once, right?  I mean twice. That's it.  No more. :)  Hey, I have to find some humor in it all.  And knowing that the path that we've both been down has led to each other and the best friend I could ever have has been worth every single second.

So in the past month, I've finished most of the projects on my list (with the exception of potty training but everyone I know says wait with boys), finished lots of wedding projects, and taken a couple of mini-vacations.  We floated the river kid-free and last week we spend four days at the lake as a family and with family.  Schlitterbahn, Gruene Hall, Landa Park, swimming in the river, smores...you name it.  We were all waterlogged and sunburned but had a great time together and I will cherish these moments forever.  It was very special and I'm so glad we did it. 

Gruene Hall

Riding the train at Landa Park

Swimming at Landa Park

Here's to a week and a half left of summer!  Jack is still replying "nope" when I ask him if he's going to school...Yikes!

Happily. Ever. After.

Happily Ever After....so it turns out that my story will end with a happily ever after after all!  I ask myself daily how this all happened?  How did I get so lucky?  Where did things change from a Lifetime movie into a fairy tale? If you had asked me a year and a half ago, I would have assumed that I would be raising Jack on my own and most likely be single forever.  But someone amazing came back into my life and showed me what real love is.  He gave me faith....in having a best friend and partner, that I can trust someone, that there really is someone out there perfect for me.......

 I got the best gift in the entire world this Saturday.  The most amazing man and my best friend asked me a very important question....and I said YES!!!  It was the second most wonderful moment of my life and I thank God everyday for Jared.  I cannot wait to spend the rest of our lives together and grow old with him.  He is nothing short of amazing.

Jared took me fishing on Saturday evening...to the spot we went on our first date.  I thought some things were odd but just tried to put it aside and be in the moment.  I turned around to see him grab his guitar from the truck and thought it was odd but oh, well.  He sat down and played our song.  I still really didn't think a proposal was coming at this moment.  I was just trying to enjoy it and not get my hopes up.  It was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.  Afterwards, he said that he is happier than he's ever been and asked me to marry him.  His roommate, Matt, was hiding across the pond and got pictures. 

I don't think there are any words to explain so I'll just let the pictures speak volumes.....

On another note, the last four days have been a whirlwind of ups and downs.  Jared's little brother, Jake, is in town from Colorado on vacation.  We celebrated Saturday night and Sunday, he was loading a four wheeler onto a trailer when it started to flip.  He jumped off and hit his head on a rock. We thought it was minor and only needed stitches at first.  What started out as something minor has been a life-altering moment for all of us. Jake ended up with two fractures in his C-2 vertebrae and ended up being lifelighted to Bryan for surgery. He had surgery yesterday and everything went well. He will hopefully go home tomorrow but will have to stay in Texas for a couple of weeks and get checked out again before going back to Colorado.  He truly had an angel watching over him.  I think it was a reminder for all of us how quickly life can change....how every move you make can affect your future.  In the blink of an eye,  life can change and tomorrow isn't certain for any of us.  Please keep Jake and our family in your thoughts and prayers....

Crabs, new rooms, and one day and counting....

Jack's  been on summer vacation with his dad since Friday.  Not even a full week and I miss him more than I can even imagine.  I feel like a part of me is missing and I try to keep my days filled but sometimes I find myself standing in the kitchen and not knowing what to do.  It's good for him to spend time with his dad and good for me to have a break but I don't think I'll ever get used to this and I don't want to.  Anyway, I'm counting down the next 24 hours and can't wait. 

Before he left, we took him on a daytrip to the beach and had a blast!  He was a little hesitant at first but once we got him in, he was Mr. Independent and wanted us to let go of him while he was in the water.  We had to practically drag him back to the shore.  Jack also had a bad expeience with a crab but all in all, it was a successful trip and I think we'll be hitting the beach again soon!

I spent my week "off" doing projects around the house and hanging out.  Jack will return to a new "big boy bed".  Very exciting....and a little nervewracking since I know staying in the dang thing is going to be a battle but it's time.

Some of my favorite people came in town this weekend and we had an amazing weekend at Summer Musicfest.....hence the pictures. 

Here's to hoping the next 26 hours fly by! Can't wait to see my Jack......

I love Pinterest but you're making me a crazy woman.  Here are my most recent projects this summer.

Distressed turquoise shelf for my re-decorated bathroom

Wire-wrapped turquoise ring

Jack's refinished table complete with chalkboard top and distressed chairs

Last, but not least, my new letters and bar.  Now if only I had some alcohol to stock it!

Next major project is Jack's big-boy room....my handyman, AKA my Dad, built two headboards for twin beds for Jack's new room and now we're focusing on painting these, as well as a bookcase, and getting everything ready to make this happen.  Pics to come soon....

Weekends, Good Friends, and a Wedding to Remember

We have begun our never-ending weekend AKA summer and we are loving it.  Swimming lessons, hanging in our PJ's until the late morning, watching our favorite movies over and over, and lots of summer projects.  Jared and I went to our friends, Justin and Erin's wedding this weekend, while Jack enjoyed a long weekend at his dad's.  It was fantastic - they had every detail perfectly planned, Erin was a stunning bride, and we had an amazing time....we pretty much always have a good time wherever we go.  What can I say?  I have always loved a good party....except for this time I did not throw up on my dress or fall down on the dance floor (yes, I've done both of these before).

Weddings always bring out my sentimental side and Justin and Erin made it more than known that the people who were there made the day for them - that they were a special group of people and really stressed how important they were.  It got me thinking about my relationships with my friends.  I am not one with lots of friends but I must say that I have the most amazing friends anyone could ever ask for.  They are the drop everything, be there when you need them, listen to the same vent 50 times over, always support my decisions, give you the shirt off their back, know everything about you and still love you kind of gals.  We've been friends through thick and thin - through growing up, changing personalities, dating, marriage, babies, divorce, death, illness, and the list goes on. They aren't just there when I need them - they helped me survive. They are not just my friends, they are my family. I honestly don't know where I would be without them.  And I've realized lately that not every woman has these types of friends and I am beyond lucky.  So this post is dedicated to an amazing group of woman who inspire me every single day - I love you girls beyond words.

Okay, enough sappiness - we also got to stay with Kelly and Tony this weekend, which also always makes for a good time so in the spirit of always ending on a good note, I leave you with some entertaining pics.   These two have no shortage of fun in their lives and this weekend was no exception.  Thanks, sister!



Where's Woody?

Ever noticed how little kids can watch the same show or movie over and over and over again?  I remember this with Kasey when she was little...first it was "101 Dalmations" and then "Free Willy."  She even went so far as to make us pretend to jump out of the water like we were whales and we called her Jesse for a few months of her life.  Jack hasn't taken it to that extreme just yet but he is absolutely obsessed with Toy Story...we probably end up watching it 3 to 6 times each day...at least there's two to choose from.  And now we have Woody and Bullseye figurines to keep up with so I probably here around 75 times a day, "where Woody?" or "where Woody hat?"  What brainiac decided to give Woody a tiny little hat that comes off?  I mean really?  I thought he wouldn't notice if it was there or not but believe me, he does.  Anyway, just a little rant as I sit here enjoying my morning coffee on this second glorious day of summer and already watching the credits for our first run of Toy Story this morning.  I'm going to just enjoy it and soak it all in for I know these moments will be fast and fleeting and before I know it, Jack will want to stay at a friend's or be asking me for the car keys.

On another note, this is the summer of DIY.....for all you on Pinterest, you know exactly what I'm talking about.  I have made my dining room table my craft area and have already finished two projects - wire-wrapped rings and a distressed, turquoise shelf for my bathroom.  Old houses come with absolutely no storage so you have to be creative.  My goal is to do one craft a day so we'll see what I've accomplished by the end of the week.  Can't wait to share....Happy Summer to all my teacher friends!